🔥 Forked Up Review Draft: Jimmy’s Tequila & Carnes – Roswell, GA “The Mexican Applebee’s, with a side of existential dread.”
🌮 First Bite:
“Amigos! I was just voted Top 10% in Mexican Restaurants — by me. I celebrated like a champ: margarita, queso (not cheese dip, don’t be disrespectful), and a burrito — the perfect food. Then I met Jimmy’s Tequila & Carnes. And it was… fine.”
📍 Location:
Jimmy’s Tequila & Carnes Roswell, GA Plenty of parking. Because God knew you’d need something to smile about.
🌶️ Forked Up Metrics:
Forkability – How likely are you to return? 🚫 Not even for Cinco de Mayo. Cinco de No-no.
Mood Sauce – Atmosphere & vibe? Big Wagon Family Road Trip Energy meets Franchise Afterlife.
Bite Energy – Flavor strength? Rollercoaster burrito: one bite cold, next bite burnt, third bite hot. A culinary mood swing.
Staff Swagger – Waiter swap with no notice. OG waiter peaced out mid-shift but came back for the tip. That’s dedication… or something.
Damage Control – Price vs experience? Paid franchise prices for fast-food heat lamp steak. #FeelsLikeRegret
Spoonful of Drama – Any weirdness? They’ll switch your waiter like a Vegas card trick. Bonus points for passive-aggressive exit strategies. No wait—it’s on the border of Las Vegas and a K-Mart. – No wait—it crosses all lines and borders of mediocrity—wait!—
🍹 The Margarita:
Mescal, off-menu, and served in record time. When a drink comes out that fast, you know they ain’t muddling nothin’. The 2nd margarita they brought, they thought I would be too drunk to notice it was no mescal. It was no mescal! You can’t fool me?! Where’s the smoke?!
🧠 Final Word from Forked Up:
Jimmy’s feels like a restaurant clinging to middle-class respectability with Applebee’s charisma and LongHorn photography. It’s the ghost of better meals past, haunting us with convenience and mariachi Spotify.
“This place is what happens when you want to feel like royalty but order like a peasant.”
Jimmy’s isn’t bad. It just isn’t good. And in a world where tomatoes bounce and sincerity is mass-produced, “fine” is the death rattle of flavor. The sugar skull merchandise is the sweetest thing. Ai dios mio…
🐑 Fredrick’s Whisper:
“I ate hay with more soul.”
Want brutally honest, beautifully weird food reviews? Follow for more Forked Up findings. You never know what we’ll stab a fork in next.
